Lights up on SUZANNE and JOSH in their apartment.
JOSH
(on the defense) I went this one time before Doug Kerns’s wedding.
SUZANNE
You must have kept going back.
JOSH
I didn’t even know you.
SUZANNE
In fact, you did know me, I just did the math.
They sit. They’re in a therapist’s office.
JOSH
(to offstage therapist) When I met my wife it ended.
SUZANNE
We met on March 1st. The boy’s birthday is December.
JOSH
(cuts in, to SUZANNE) I meant I didn’t know you when–
SUZANNE
(cuts in; to offstage therapist) Here he complains that I haven’t been working, and he chooses the one morning I line
up an interview–
JOSH
(cuts in) I shouldn’t have told you?
SUZANNE
He only told me because he had to.
JOSH
We fight. We have a kid. We’re here for our daughter.
SUZANNE
He should be here alone.
JOSH
That isn’t productive.
SUZANNE
I’ll start from the beginning.
JOSH
Wherever that is.
SUZANNE
I’d just dropped Sammie at school and had to change for this interview.
SUZANNE rises and starts offstage.
JOSH
(bleary-eyed) Sorry, I overslept, I’ll take her tomorrow.
SUZANNE
My interview’s not tomorrow. Leave out the checkbook.
JOSH
I paid the rent yesterday.
SUZANNE
The money for camp has to get there by Thursday.
JOSH
(cuts in, on edge) Camp’s not till July, what is wrong with these places?
SUZANNE
Just leave it out so I can mail it today. (as she starts off) I have to make an attempt to look halfway decent–
JOSH
(cuts in) I have a…situation.
SUZANNE
(takes a moment; to offstage therapist) It’s called a major depression.
JOSH
(to self) I should be able to handle this.
SUZANNE
I assumed he was upset because one of his clients–
JOSH
(cuts in) This has nothing to do with Sanchez.
SUZANNE
He had this client in jail who’d been in a car during a drug bust–
JOSH
(cuts her off) The account’s almost empty.
SUZANNE
You…didn’t pay for his funeral?
JOSH
I don’t know how to say this….
SUZANNE
(to offstage therapist) I tried to be understanding. (to JOSH) Your guilt is ruining our lives!
JOSH
I didn’t pay for his funeral, and missing the deadline for some overpriced day camp–
SUZANNE
(cuts in) There’s a pool, there are woods!
JOSH
It’s nowhere near summer, these places get you by the balls–
SUZANNE
(to offstage therapist) Here I thought he was upset because his client in jail got hold of a rope–
JOSH
(cuts in) I told you already, this has nothing to do with– (stops himself) There was a woman before you. She has a kid. I didn’t know.
SUZANNE
(slight pause) How old is….
JOSH
He. Six.
JOSH hands SUZANNE a wallet-sized photo. As he watches her look at it.
JOSH
Say it, he has my Jew-fro.
SUZANNE
(to offstage therapist) The boy looked seven or eight.
JOSH
He turned six in December. She said he’s big for his age.
SUZANNE
What’s his name?
JOSH
(slight pause) Gosha.
SUZANNE
And her name?
JOSH
Svet…Lana.
SUZANNE
(slight pause) I’ll contact the camp now to try to buy us more time.
SUZANNE takes out her phone and types.
JOSH
(tries to explain) I didn’t know he existed. Here she showed at my office, brought the kid’s picture…. (as SUZANNE reads something from her phone in silence) She lost her job. He’s having problems. I felt I should help her–
SUZANNE
(cuts in, reading from phone) “Bipolar Hubby Murders Wife’s Lover”?
JOSH
Where are you getting that?
SUZANNE
(to offstage therapist) I googled his name and added Svetlana.
JOSH
Irresponsible press.
SUZANNE
I thought I’d find nothing.
JOSH
If I’d had just one paragraph for Angel Sanchez who’s dead now, he might still be alive–
SUZANNE
(reads from phone) “The wife and her lover worked as exotic dancers.”?
JOSH
Why that was relevant….
SUZANNE
How does the wife of your bipolar client, a topless dancer, a dyke–
JOSH
(cuts in) She isn’t a dyke, they got that part wrong.
SUZANNE
How does the wife of your client become your lover?
JOSH
I knew her beforehand. She procured me for her husband.
SUZANNE
(takes a moment) Then you went to those places.
JOSH
I didn’t go to those places. I went this one time before Doug Kerns’s wedding.
SUZANNE
You must have kept going back.
JOSH
I didn’t even know you.
SUZANNE
In fact, you did know me, I just did the math.
They sit.
JOSH
(to offstage therapist) When I met my wife it ended.
SUZANNE
The boy’s birthday is December, we met on March 1st.
JOSH
And I told you it was over as soon as I met you–
SUZANNE
(overlaps, to therapist) We were both at the counter of this now-torn-down coffee shop.
JOSH
Look, if I could change things–
SUZANNE
(cuts in) I thought he looked like this square, perennial bachelor, as if his mother still dressed him.
JOSH
My mother did not dress me. And don’t ruin a good memory.
SUZANNE
(to JOSH) You admitted that week you were wearing a shirt–
JOSH
(cuts in) One lousy shirt, and I got rid of it promptly.
SUZANNE
I was performing that night at this now-torn-down theatre. I’m a dancer. Was a dancer. Not like Svetlana. (to JOSH) Did she writhe in your lap?
JOSH
That isn’t productive.
SUZANNE
It was opening night of what would be, I didn’t realize, my last New York season.
JOSH
It was a gig in a church without any heat.
SUZANNE
At a prominent downtown venue.
JOSH
(under his breath) Last New York season….
SUZANNE
He didn’t know my world.
JOSH
I knew your world plenty, you said it made you unhappy.
SUZANNE
That day in the coffee shop I was under the impression he found me exotic.
JOSH
You were eating a bowl of oatmeal.
SUZANNE
I gave him a flyer, and then three hours later he was there at my show, carrying flowers.
JOSH
She told me it was her birthday.
SUZANNE
He probably wanted to marry this woman Svetlana.
JOSH
I married the woman I wanted to marry.
SUZANNE
Because you couldn’t bring home that kind of dancer.
JOSH
That’s not true and you know it, and I didn’t live with my parents.
SUZANNE
After the show, he came out with my friends.
JOSH
Smug, dancer friends.
SUZANNE
They referred to him later as the guy with the Jew-fro. (to JOSH) They happened to like you.
JOSH
Now they’re all soccer moms playing house in the suburbs.
SUZANNE
I didn’t put it together, but one night early on he was distant and tired. When I left in the morning he could barely wake up.
JOSH
Because you’d leave at like 6.
SUZANNE
I had a life, I took class.
JOSH
I’m just saying I was sleeping because–
SUZANNE
(cuts in) You’d been with Svetlana.
JOSH
It’s not something I planned. She showed at my apartment–
SUZANNE
(cuts in) I used to leave in the mornings, and he’d say, Knock ‘em dead. Not to sound shallow, but as if I were this sex bomb.
JOSH
She wasn’t a sex bomb.
SUZANNE
I’m not talking about Svetlana.
JOSH
And just for the record she was studying journalism.
SUZANNE
(thrown by this) That’s the job she just lost?
JOSH
She didn’t finish school, her life got too hard.
SUZANNE
It’s as if he’s unconsciously turned me into his mother.
JOSH
Oh come on, that’s moronic.
SUZANNE
He has this controlling, unpleaseable mother. He takes my minimal needs–
JOSH
(cuts in) Excuse me a second, but her needs are not minimal.
SUZANNE
He won’t get over this chicken.
JOSH
She buys a thirty dollar chicken from some green-market con man.
SUZANNE
It was an ethical farmer who sells pasture-raised fowl–
JOSH
(cuts in) I don’t make enough money to buy pasture-raised fowl! She wants to live like some pampered, renegade rich kid.
SUZANNE
And he who fights the system blindly buys corporate chickens.
JOSH
Power to the chickens! She hasn’t worked in six years, and now she thinks she’s an activist.
SUZANNE
I’ve been home with our daughter.
JOSH
Our daughter is in school now. I thought she would segue into some kind of work.
SUZANNE
To help pay for Gosha? He has this refrain, he always says–
JOSH
(overlaps) I can’t win here.
SUZANNE
It’s because of his controlling, unpleaseable mother.
JOSH
You aren’t my shrink.
SUZANNE
He won’t go to a shrink.
JOSH
What the hell do you call this?
SUZANNE
It’s called wasting my time, watching you act like some rational person when all you do is take drugs.
JOSH
A) They’re covered by insurance; and B) I realize you want to get back to the farm, but I can’t function without them.
SUZANNE
You can’t function with them, you need to lower the dose. And if you want me to segue into some kind of work, why’d you choose that one morning when I had a damn interview–
JOSH
(cuts in) I said I messed up.
SUZANNE
He was running away from her, that’s why he came at me that day at the coffee shop.
JOSH
I wasn’t running away.
SUZANNE
I hope my parents are happy.
JOSH
Her parents are dead now.
SUZANNE
They seemed so impressed I’d met someone normal. Normalcy with all its attendant perversions.
JOSH It was her job, she needed money, it was what was available–
SUZANNE
(cuts in) I’m not talking about Svetlana! I meant that weeks into meeting me you went and made this kid, Gosha.
JOSH If I could change things I would.
SUZANNE
That day in the coffee shop I thought he was nice and funny and smart. (to JOSH) You ruined the memory!
SUZANNE rises and exits. A slight pause.
JOSH
We’re here for our daughter. To stop fighting so much. Or, if my wife wants, to get a divorce. That’s not what I want.
SUZANNE returns, her hair brushed, in a coat and heels.
JOSH
What should I have done, let the kid rot?
SUZANNE
You said he’s having problems.
JOSH
Behavioral. And learning. She put him out of district but the new school is worse.
SUZANNE
He needs to get a diagnosis.
JOSH
That’s why I gave her the money.
SUZANNE
And you should help her sue the city.
JOSH
That’s what we’re doing. I can make it all back, I’ll take in more clients. I don’t want us to end.
SUZANNE
If I’m not done by two–
JOSH
(cuts in) I’ll pick Sammie up.
SUZANNE
I’ll call when I’m finished.
JOSH
I said I would get her.
SUZANNE
I don’t want you to get her! I like picking her up.
JOSH
You always say I’m not helpful, I’m just trying to help.
SUZANNE
I like watching her leave her classroom in her coat and her backpack. I like bringing a snack.
JOSH
I’ll wait for your call then.
SUZANNE
Pack an apple and cookies.
JOSH
Okay. Knock ‘em dead.
THE END
———————
TRACI PARKS’s plays have been performed in New York City (HERE Arts Center, The Culture
Project, The Directors Company, La Mama, WBAI radio); Los Angeles (Moving Arts); and Seattle
(Seattle Rep, Northwest Playwrights Alliance). Her ten-minute play At the Recital was selected
as a finalist for the 2010 Heideman Award at Actors Theatre of Louisville. Sex Bomb and The
Way She Moves are part of a suite of plays on marriage. Sex Bomb was performed at Seattle
Rep’s Poncho Forum in May 2011; The Way She Moves had a staged reading at The Bubble
Lounge in NYC in February 2011 with actors Lili Taylor, Kelly Coffield Park, and Stephen Park.
Buy Shaking
